It's a strange limbo land to be in...mourning the death of pet. A great sadness descends over you that will not lift until it's run it's course. You know there are more important things going on in the world; perhaps, more important deaths to mourn. Right now this is my personal journey. I'm finding my husband and I are more sad at different times. I'm super sad in the morning. I woke up every day with this little ball of sunshine. I started my day with a fuzzy nose demanding attention. She and I knew what this love and attention was about, but she gave it to me. It was the wake up and prepare me breakfast dance. It started with a quick snuggle in the bed. Then moved to a charge down the hallway. Now the peek back around the corner to make sure I was actually coming down the hallway. As I turned the corner saying, "I'm coming, I'm coming," she would do a jump and full length body twirl right in front of the kitchen door. As if she were saying, "The kitchen is right here and I'm so cute how can you resist me." Well, I couldn't. She got what we called the full treatment for breakfast. It consisted of 1/3 cup of dry dog food, a sprinkle of canned green beans, a pinch of chicken or tuna and a squirt of fish oil. She loved this meal. Why so intricate? Well, she nearly died 5 years ago when her liver almost quit working. After 6 months of life saving Veterinarian measures this was the meal she liked and kept her alive. Why change it.
Now my mornings are very quiet and not cute. On a plus side I'm suddenly arriving at all morning appointments on time and even a little early. Often my poodle would say as I was trying to get out the door... "I know I've been out twice, but I need one more before you leave." How does one say no to an emergency potty break? I never could.
Often during my morning meetings I'd keep track of the time. I needed to be home by lunch or close to it. Yes, I fed my pup lunch. Again, when she got sick 5 years ago she needed food in her stomach to take her life saving medications. We began giving her lunch and when she got better she decided she liked having lunch. When someone you love nearly dies and they are alive and well and they want lunch well you give it to them. My schedule could accommodate it. She was spoiled.
I did have my detours being a woman of a certain age. I now needed to go to the bathroom first. The "good morning" pee as I named it when I was potty training my 2nd child, who didn't want to use the bathroom first thing. Give it a fun happy name and then they want to do it. I had trained my poodle to "take me to the potty." We'd get out of bed and then if I'd forget and start to head down the hall she'd funnel me to the bathroom. I'd thank her immensely and that was her reward. She always loved a "potty pet." That's when she'd slowly walk past my seated legs and I'd pet her coming in and she'd slowly turn and get another good back scratch going out. Now that I had my "good morning pee" I could feed my poodle with out the danger of wetting myself.
I wrote the above shortly after my pet passed. I couldn't spell check it or even reread it without crying. Now I can get through it. It's been 6 months. 6 long months. We had decided not to get a new dog till after the holidays and after our fence was repaired. It's January 2nd and we have fence estimates. With the anticipation of new fuzzy love in my house our hearts are healing. Never forgetting. Its time to move on and enjoy life the way we like it... with a dog in the house.
2 days ago