My Crabby Dad Can Be Hilarious

My dad is a crab apple.  He complains and lectures pretty much all the time.  Usually when one says "all the time" they exaggerate, but I'm not.  We've learned over the years to tune him out or leave the room.  The real tricky one is to sneakily pawn him off on someone else while he's talking without his knowledge.  All the while the person he is now lecturing is staring daggers at you as you happily leave the room.

We were together on Father's Day.  My brother and I cooked a delicious meal as we usually do.  The meal started off with a big salad.  My mom and dad's favorite start to a meal.  Usually with freshly made Ranch dressing .  The kind made with buttermilk is the dressing of choice except for my husband who doesn't like it.  As we sat down I brought a Caesar dressing to the table for my husband.  My mom asks my husband if he'd like to try some balsamic vinegar on his salad.  Being nice and not really caring as long as it's not ranch he says yes.  My dad says the balsamic vinaigrette is in the fridge and he'd like to have it too.  My husband brings the vinaigrette to the table.  My dad takes it and my mom says no she'd really like the balsamic vinegar she just bought about 2 weeks ago.  She says it's just lovely on a salad.  Now my dad chimes in no she wants the balsamic vinaigrette.  My dad goes on crabbing how she never uses balsamic vinegar she uses balsamic vinaigrette.  My mom is adamant that she wants balsamic vinegar and my husband finds a bottle and brings it to the table.

My dad is still belly aching how my mom doesn't know what she's talking about and as usual we're tuning him out.  As he continues with his salad dressing tirade he opens his Coca Cola and begins to pour it on his salad swirling around in circles as one would with salad dressing.  He now has balsamic vinaigrette and Coke on his salad.  On about the 3rd swirl he realizes he's pouring his drink on his salad and laughs.  We all chuckle.  My mom makes a comment under her breath about how would he know what she wants on her salad since he thinks Coca Cola is a salad dressing.

He sheepishly tries a bite of his salad and announces that it's actually quite tasty.  That the sweetness of the Coke blends well with the tartness of the balsamic vinaigrette.  I can see we're not going to let him live this one down for a while.  Since my daughter and I just had another chuckle about it tonight 2 days later.

My mom and husband enjoyed their salads with straight up balsamic vinegar.  And yes she knew what she was talking about.